<<<yes- aren't we darling- that is a pic of us in the frame mat my sweet mommy needle pointed
My sister. Sweet. Smart. Funny. Brave. She is my best friend and truly a gift from God. To not have her in my life would be like losing a limb or maybe a vital organ. She is a part of me in a way that only another sister could understand, a REAL sister. We share so many things- A love for Symphony bars. Childhood memories (including a really gross one that involved a Symphony bar and a drive from the beach). Big eyes. More giggles and flared nostrils than I can count and a heap of love that has no measure.
What we don’t share is a single drop of DNA. We also don’t share being adopted. And NONE of THAT matters a bit.
It’s funny. We forget. We don’t ever think about the fact that if people looked at our biological makeup they would say we were not sisters. In fact, we have a more solid, loving and close relationship than many biological sisters we know. We are a package deal. Always have been and always will be. There was never an “adopted daughter” and a “biological daughter”. She is not my sister through adoption. My mom never differentiated us that way. Not ever. We were both “her girls”, both her daughters. We both received praise, we both got in trouble when we misbehaved and we both got more than a bushel and a peck of love. Perhaps I would not be as close to my sister if I had been “the adopted child” or had been treated differently in a way from my sister that was not the normal way two different children are handled in ways their personality type responds to, as they are just individuals I would not be a close to my sister but there was never any of that. She was just my sister. Sometimes annoying. All the time beautiful and forever loved. The only one in the world who knows what it was like to grow up with me.
We bickered in the back seat of the car. We snuggled up together waiting to go downstairs every Christmas morning and we argued about what was on TV (don’t you know it, my little sister ripped open my shin with her fingernails because she thought I was going to turn off Thundercats). I cornered boyfriends by the bathroom, warning them to treat my baby sister right and she literally wiped me off the floor when my husband was deployed, shortly after we got married. Pretty real stuff. Some moms work hard to keep their children together- praying they will one day become friends. I don’t know if my mom did that. I don’t know what she did, if anything, that made us so close. But it happened. I have watched more than a few sibling groups fall apart when their momma died. That woman who gave birth to them was all that held them together. That was not true for my sister and I. We clung to one another when our mommy went to be with the Lord and if anything found strength through one another.
I don't know why people worry so much about bonding with those they do not share blood with as a part of adoption, when in this civilized world, the people that we choose as spouses share no DNA with us and we love them enough to spend our lives with them.
We do not need to share blood or DNA, we don’t need to have the same ear shape or blue eyes. We have love and respect and caring and friendship. So when people ask me if I am ever going to look for my “real sister” my answer is, “My real sister is right here!” Though my birthmother did have another daughter, there is no one in this world that is more my sister or friend than this blonde haired blue eyed girl I grew up with that used to call me, “sassy”. There is no “realer” sister, even if it involves biology, because my baby sis and I are the REALEST kind of sisters- the kind who have built their love on a lifetime of shared memories, of being there and wanting something for the other more than we did for ourselves.
My definition of family begins and ends with love and one of the greatest loves I have ever known is that of my VERY REAL sister. xoxo, na`.
I hope you will go read the other hosts pieces and add in your own if you want to as well.
Please join the Adoption Talk link up on the first and third Thursday of every month.Anyone involved with the adoption triad or foster care in any way is welcome to join (even if you are just starting the process).
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When LINKING UP with our ADOPTION TALK- few things to consider:
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