As prospective adoptive parents we spend a lot of time wondering if someone will choose us --it is easy to become caught up in our own thoughts and feelings and of course worries. What I want you to know right now is that the expectant mothers who are considering an adoption plan are also worried. While we worry that we might not "be good enough" for someone to want to "match" with us--they worry that too! We worry about speaking to a prospective birthmother, if for no other reason than that she is a stranger and in all likelihood she is worried about that too! You are not only a stranger-- but a stranger she may be considering placing her child with! They may be afraid of what you think of what they say and if you are open to the adoption plan they are considering and are comfortable with for their child. Even when we matched, I continued to worry that her mind may change. Some birthmothers have shared with me that they worried their chosen family would change their mind if for some reason their child were born with a health condition or if they decided the baby was not the sex they really hoped it would be. Birthmothers have other worries--even after placement that visitation agreements, promises of letters and pictures, etc will not be kept by the adoptive parents. Adoptive parents who have ventured into contact agreements with their child's birthparents may also worry that contact may not continue and the confusion that would cause for the child involved. Honesty & promises kept are important on all sides of the adoption process
Remember as you venture into this unchartered territory-- you are not alone. You have more in common with the prospective birthparents than you may have thought--first and foremost that you want a bright and loving future for a child. Be yourself, be honest and keep your promises and you will be in the best possible position to receive the same!